Scentzilla!

The following was written by my sister Sasha, otherwise referenced here by me as my favorite guinea pig:

Sitting in my car, searching for music that wouldn’t exacerbate my frustrations with traffic, I chose to listen to a lame P. Diddy commercial over lame pop music or most likely a lame P. Diddy single that could have been playing or “dropping” at that very moment on another station. He wanted you to buy Unforgivable for your dad on Father’s Day. Diddy said in the radio ad,”Your dad is number one so you should get him the number one smell good scent, Unforgivable.”

Now, when Puffy talks the world listens for some reason. But I am confused. Why is the number one smell good scent… unforgivable? What has it done? What is it doing now? Should I be worried?

But then I guess the number one smell good scent shouldn’t be Forgivable either: you might as well name it Tolerable, Not Too Pleasant But I Can Stand It, or I Can Take It If You Can.

For those of you not revolted by Puffy’s music and lifestyle, good news! He has two versions of Unforgivable that are apparently indistinguishable from each other. That’s right, YOU can choose the way YOU want to be Unforgivable in two totally unnoticable ways! Now, I must admit I find it strange he only has two Unforgivables, because I was totally prepared to “unforgive” him more than twice. On the other hand, I also find it odd that he wanted his personal scent to be… Unforgivable… twice.

However, I suppose I should consider the possiblity that Unforgivable was named to reflect Sean Comb’s music career. It is unforgivable that his half-assed attempt at “remixes” and production have most likely sold just as many records as his “inspiration” and victims’ originals; It is unforgivable that he can just grunt and moan in the background of another musician’s song and claim credit and originality. I theorize that since The Police or David Bowie do not have fragrances of their own for him to “remix,” he was forced to copy his own scent which is in turn apparently reminiscent of a fragrance called Creed Millésime Impérial. This leads me to wonder, if an Unforgivable III were made, would it end up smelling like a xerox of a xerox of a xerox? A reproduction that’s been through the copier so many times that the ink has faded and said document is neither legible nor helpful? I shouldn’t think too much about that.

P. Diddy offends me in so many ways I resent him. Obviously, he has his music career…..gross. He has a fragrance…grosser. Now, he has a few paragraphs I unfortunately felt compelled to write about him…grossest.

My message to you, Puff Daddy, is this: My father will not be smelling like you, Puff Daddy, or if you will, the daddy of puffs, even if it is your self-proclaimed number one smell good scent. When I think of gifting the man who bought me ice cream when I had a bad day or who drove me to and from softball practice, anything Unforgivable does not come to mind.

~ by SASHA

I love LOL Cats. Like, I know, it’s not in the least bit cool anymore, and given the number of spinoffs like LOL President and LOL Trek, the whole concept has totally jumped the shark by now. But, meh, I was never cool or hip to start with, so why let that stop me from deciding LOL Perfume is a necessary adjuvant to the phenomenon?

UPDATES at bottom of post!

These perhaps aren’t the best selections for a LOL Perfume, they were just the ones that came up first when I typed in general search engine terms for “perfume ads.” Have better ones you can make? Let’s include them! Hell, why not? Point me with a link to an ad or perfume image with your desired caption, and I’ll add it on! Or, if you have your own graphic editing software and a hosting site, direct us towards the link to your finished LOL Perfume.

UPDATES

From Donna, a spin on the old infamous Dana TABU ads:

There seems to be a handful of rote descriptions perfume ads use over and over to sell their wares: sexy, alluring, fresh, enchanting, etcetera… A while back I tried sitting down and listing some more colorful alternative adjectives to use. Alas, I wound up with a very short list. The harder I tried to find good words, the more I kept thinking instead of some terrible choices for perfume ad copy. So here is that list instead:

Recipe for O’Henrys

This is a wonderfully quick dessert to make, and comes courtesy of the Old Mill Community Service Cookbook from 1984, credited to “Ed Thompson.” I have made made some modifications to the printed recipe, however. If I’m not baking brownies, this is the chocolate goodie I enjoy making in the Chezilla kitchen. I recommend using Ghiradelli semi-sweet baking chips, since I have the best luck personally with those. Other brands of course will work just fine if you have a preference for another brand. As far as peanut butter goes, I like using either Skippy smooth or Jif’s extra crunchy. I have made this with freshly ground peanuts, and with the natural peanut butters (like Adams) but I don’t think they turn out with as pleasing a texture. Hooray for emulsifying agents… or something like that. They do taste a little more nutty with a natural peanut butter, but eh, whatever. I’ve also tried the recipe with regular oats instead of quick oats, but you will need to slightly adjust the baking temperature and time accordingly, as well as using just a pinch more butter and sugar (Use your best judgement if you are accustomed to substituting regular for quick. If not, just use quick oats.)

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
• 1 cup peanut butter
• 4 cups quick oats
• 2 sticks butter (margarine will also work here)
• 1 1/2 cups white sugar
• 1 cup brown sugar

Mix oats, butter, and sugars well. Press together firmly in a 9×13 inch cake pan (my bias is towards Pyrex baking dishes), and bake at 350 F for around 12 minutes (depending on altitude, so again, use your best judgement.) After baking, set aside and cool for a minimum of 10 minutes, though waiting a half hour is best.

Melt the chocolate chips and peanut butter together. This can be done in a microwave, but monitor it carefully to avoid fried chocolate, and interrupt your microwave to intermittently give it a stir. (This is to make sure you obtain a smooth, lump-free result.) Using a stovetop pan to melt these is my preferred method, with medium or medium-low heat, stirring constantly.

Top the pan of oat mixture with your melted chocolate and peanut butter combo. Let pan to cool again and set in the refrigerator. Cut and serve. For best results, store in the fridge. However, once set, this can be kept in its pan on the counter with a lid if desired.

Hope you enjoy these!

One of the things that rarely fail to crack me up is the constant message from beauty magazines that fragrances only have a shelf life of a couple years before they go bad.

I’m sure this advice has nothing to do with the constant marketing drive to get consumers to buy! buy more! and buy again!

I own any number of fragrances that are older than I am (30) which I frequently wear and enjoy. Just glancing at the shelves in my closet, one I spot right away is a cute little art deco style bottle of Coty’s L’Aimant that dates back approximately 70 years or so. It still smells fantastic, and in fact, much fuller and more complex than the newer (and reformulated) versions of it that are being sold. Why on earth would I ever buy a new bottle of L’Aimant when it’s not half as good as my old one? Thank god the previous owner never received such crazy advice to throw this lovely flacon out years before I was even born.

But there’s a partial truth to the message. Perfumes DO turn, depending on their ingredients, and how they’ve been stored.

Bottles kept in the bathroom are doomed to ruin relatively quickly compared to those stored elsewhere. Generally, it is the humid heat of the bathroom which is the hardest on any fragrance kept within. Those frequent and steamy temperature fluxes can be very trying to the juice inside the bottle.

If you’re a fan of keeping your collection on top of a bedroom vanity or a dresser, be aware that the sunlight that streams through transparent bottles can cause fragrance to prematurely age and break down. If you spot little “floaties” in a vintage bottle you’re considering buying, be cautious and sniff carefully before plunking down the cash. Floaties are the most visually noticable symptom of sun exposure or decay in my experience. Not all fragrances with floaties are ruined ones, however, so you don’t necessarily need to panic if you spot them in a bottle you own.

I do happen to keep some bottles out on the dresser, but nothing I truly adore. Keep the ones you like looking at that have little collectible value or are easily replaced on the dresser, but store those that are dear to you away from the light in a cool, dark location.

Check the color of the liquid, as well. Some fragrances are naturally very dark, especially many older ones, but not all. If you feel unsure what it’s “supposed” to look like, you can check it against any number of books for bottle collectors, or against any available online galleries from perfume museums (or old advertisements!) to see if the fragrance inside is approximatly the correct color. For instance, if evaporation has occured over time because air is getting into the bottle, what’s left behind will have slowly changed color as it condensed. (Condensed is not quite the right word, I think, but for lack of a better one…)

A sniff test is, of course, the best test. When aged, some fragrances do lose the intial first phase of aromatic bloom. Those first notes you smell are called top notes, and they are usually the most volatile molecules in the composition. Some vintage fragrances will retain a bit of the top, some will not. But the overall fragrance should still smell “right” to you, since the heart notes and base notes are generally not as volatile.

Many times this is a function of the composition, but I’ve noticed it also has a lot to do with the bottle’s storage history. If it had been kept in an attic in the middle of the Midwest, for example, it has been exposed to the extremes of sweltering summer heat and below-freezing winter cold; No matter how stable the notes are, those swinging extremes are more likely than not to cause unfortunate spoilages over fragrances’ lifetimes.

You CAN keep fragrances in your refrigerator if desired. It’s certainly not unheard of, and the cold helps preserve them while not reaching chilly enough temperatures that might destroy your stuff. I don’t go for that, but only because A.) My collection is large enough that I would never be able to keep food there, and B.) Something about reaching around the ketchup and leftover lasagne to get a quick spritz seems terribly un-beautiful. I also would not wear certain fragrances directly from the fridge. It’s like certain wines or beers - you miss some elements when they are not at room temperatue I feel. But this method of storage seems like an option worth mentioning. Don’t stick any of your fragrances in the freezer, however, because… well, duh. Vetiver Frozen, indeed!

If you’re not a mad collector, you likely have a limited number of fragrances you own and rotate constant use between them. Should you be worried that you bought that bottle of say, Estée Lauder Beautiful, five years ago and are now wondering if you should throw it out and buy it again? To put it bluntly: not really. If it has really gone bad, YOU, whether you feel like an “expert nose” or not, will be able to tell. It will smell funny or off; Maybe it bears a fleeting trace of rancidness when you wear it; Or maybe it suddenly smells a little flat or dull to you after time. Try finding a tester at a fragrance counter. How does it smell compared to your old one? If you can’t smell a difference, then does it matter how long you’ve had your bottle? I’d say no.

We often choose fragrance for our own pleasure, much more than for the sake of others, and if you still find it enjoyable, there’s no need to waste your money. Fragrances can be expensive, and not everyone is as inclined as perfume addicts to shell out hundreds of dollars a year for such fripperies. If you’ve stored it safely, in the cool and dark, you’ve got much less to worry about than all those beauty magazines lead you to believe. And even if you haven’t… your nose will know better than some conveniently advertiser-friendly advice. If Cadbury chocolates from the Boer War can still be edible, I think a little “old” perfume is not such a big deal.

Note: Comments are still not displaying properly in IE7, and you have my sincere apologies for that. If you still have IE6 on your computer, they will appear correctly. However, all other browsers (Firefox, Safari, etc.) seem to work fine. Please drop me a note if this is not the case for you, with info on which browser version you are using.

Here are a few of my favorite product discoveries of 2006. Some have been around for quite a while, and most are (shockingly! gasp!) not even perfumes. (I’ll get a seperate best of list up for this year’s releases later on, but I wanted to play with all the other cool kids for the “favorite things” posts.)

Rubis Tweezers have to be my top product find of the year. I was formerly a true-blue Tweezerman gal, but find these just a smidge better. They grasp those fine stray eyebrow hairs well, and… they also yank out this cluster of three dark hairs, which grow on my chin with alarming regularity. I call them my Three Billy Goat Hairs Gruff. I. hate. them. so. much. I know this sort of surprise facial hair attack happens to all ladies as they get older, but I refuse to go down without a fight. The Rubis gets them right as they’re “sprouting,” so that the only other person who realizes I have chin hairs is the doppelganger who lives in my mirror. Is this all too much information? Yes, it probably is. But that’s why it’s getting my thumbs up.

Armani Code body lotion smells fanatastic. I fell in love with the Le Couvant des Minimes Orange Blosssom Body Cream earlier this year, but that’s already disappeared from the Bath and Body Works shelves, so this is a great alternative. The Code body lotion fragrance also emphasizes a predominate orange blossom note, and has a nice medium weight texture that should be suitable for all but the very driest of skin types. The aroma of the lotion is more delicate than that of the Code eau de parfum, and should be tried seperately as its own product, rather than being lumped in as an ancillary to it.

This is not one of my finds, but rather one of my husband’s product discoveries this year: Korres body wash in Cedar. The Korres body washes aren’t oriented to either men or women as a line, but Cedar has a nice deep woody and musky scent that appeals to masculine noses. It is only $11 a bottle, which also appeals to my husbands desire to be a cheapskate without actually being a cheapskate. (His beloved Pi body wash is $20, so this seems like a compartive bargain. He’s not really good at being a cheapskate, obviously, or he’d be buying the two for a dollar bars at the Dollar Tree. But don’t tell him, he thinks he’s a total bargain hunter.)

Viktor & Rolf’s Antidote: Of all the new releases this year, Hermes’ Terre d’Hermes is the single most superior fragrance. But it’s Antidote that I seem to crave the most lately. Quite simply, it is delish.

Olivia Giacobetti’s IUNX Splash Forte is something I tried as part of a blind sample swap with March. What a wretched pity the IUNX line is no more. Gone! The way the Spash Forte uses spice is ballsy, reminding of the fearlessness of vintage fragrances like Coty’s old L’Aiment. Splash Forte wears on my skin like a shower storm covering me with spiced droplets. Beautiful, and oddly refreshing. Look for it on eBay, because there is nowhere else to find it.

Acca Kappa hair brushes are vegetarian friendly, and I’m quite pleased with mine. I’m glad to recommend them to other vegs, since it can be tricky to find good products that even non-vegs approve of. (I say this as someone who’s found more boners than winners, and thus as someone who instantly suspects a crap product now anytime I see a “vegetarian” label on beauty products. It’s not to say they’re all inferior quality, but there’s a ton of them that are.)

Fresh Pomegranate Conditioning Hair Rinse is the best smelling conditioner I’ve ever used. Its fragrance is a deep, woody pomegranate, but it’s not a heavy or cloying aroma. The conditioner is best suited for hair types that only have light conditioning or detangling needs, or for folks who use a seperate silicone serum styling product. I am ashamed to admit I’m addicted, because it’s awful spendy for something I wash down the drain. Frankly, I think Fresh loads it up with crack. So there it is: it smells too good to not use every day. And it gives my hair that lovely crack sheen.

Jimmy Belasco candles are quite possibly the cleanest burning candles I’ve ever used. I am sure of that because my dog freaks out that the house is burning down if I use candles that throw off even a smidge of soot. He has yet to try to evacuate us from our home in the event of a lit Belasco candle. Seriously, even the smell from the brief flicker of birthday cake candles is enough to set him into a panicked “save the people!” mode, so I’m impressed.

Inner beauty is nice, too. So another favorite beauty find of the year is Library Thing. It’s got “thing” right in its name! So it’s a thing, yeah? Library Thing is a site where you compile entries for the books sitting on your shelves to create reading lists, which you can then compare to other memebers who also have similar lists. It is a KICK-ASS way to find new reading ideas, and it’s really fun to see how many people share your hodgepodge library of reading material. I hope I have more time to fill in my list soon, because even at only 123 books, I’ve already found some books that look promising enough to stick onto my birthday wishlist.

Here are someother blogs and sites writing about their own favorite things they discovered during 2006:

1. Proposed fragrance: Lancome’s It’s a Christmas Miracle

Reason for rejection: Prohibitive sales opportunity. Christmas miracles only happen on 34th Street.

2. Proposed fragrance: Burberry’s Red-Nosed Reindeer

Reason for rejection: Proved popular with a focus group, but as it turns out, the resource for red-nose reindeer musk is extremely limited.

3. Proposed fragrance: Givenchy’s Mincemeat Pi

Reason for rejection: Everybody loves pi, but no one likes mincemeat, let alone 3.14159265358979323846… ounces of it.

4. Proposed fragrance: Balmain’s AdVent Vert

Reason for rejection: Counting down the days ’til one can finally wear perfume will only annoy people.

5. Proposed fragrance: Givenchy’s How the Grivenchy Stole Christmas

Reason for rejection: On Christmas Day, the heart notes expand three sizes. Smells great, but shatters the bottle.

6. Proposed fragrance: Patou’s Joy to the World

Reason for rejection: Just like every year, the world asked for a gift receipt so it could exchange Joy for something cooler, like “Power” or “Money.”

7. Proposed fragrance: Lancome’s Treesor

Reason for rejection: Unwieldly bottle shape requires a stand to display, and those stands seem to take forever to get working straight.

8. Proposed fragrance: Chanel No. 5 Golden Rings

Reason for rejection: Five golden rings, but Nicole Kidman holds the One Ring, which was thrown back into Mount Doom and destroyed, effectively thwarting her evildoing…. for now.

9. Proposed fragrance: The Cattle are L’eau-ing

Reason for rejection: Concerns over possible lactose intolerance issues.

10. Proposed fragrance: L’Artisan’s Dzingle Bells

Reason for rejection: Complaints of mysterious “batman smells”

Bonus proposed fragrance: Thierry Mugler’s Heavenly Host Christmas Coffret

Reason for rejection: An all Angel army? Too much of even a good thing is still way too much.

While we here in the States wait to get creeped out of our skin by Perfume: The Story of a Murderer, one fragrance-themed horror flick to consider for Halloween rental is 1940’s The Devil Bat. The Devil Bat stars Bela Lugosi as Dr. Carruthers, a rather congenial seeming sociopath, who devises an aftershave that attracts and triggers bats…

He is thought of as the kind and friendly (it’s always the quiet ones, after all) doctor by the village locals, but he just happens to be a hobby chemist and perfumer in his spare time. A cosmetic firm even sells Dr. Carruthers’ scented products. Yet only the firm’s owners get stinking rich off his work, because Carruthers unwisely accepted a lump sum payment for his “greaseless” shaving lotion formula rather than investing into the firm. He secretly seethes with rage that these men have become wealthy off his work while he thanklessly remains but their employee and a humble village doctor.

Obviously, he must concoct an improbable revenge plan. So Carruthers creates an evil aftershave, then Pavlovs his bunch of bats into killing anyone who wears the aftershave. “Youuu haaaaate… this… strange…. ori-EN-tal fragrance.”

However, these bats have been mutated to become “big and strong” in his secret lab. By zapping them with a perfectly silly looking electrolysis contraption, he tranforms them into gargantuan-sized assassins. The contraption appears to be constructed out of wire clothes hangers, a rejected-design Eames lamp, and an oversized wok (never let it be said that b-movie scientists don’t make the most out of parabolic dishes in their crazy schemes.) Like many mad scientists of the era, he also uses the latest in mad scientist technology: From pointless plastic tubing and paper mache Tesla coils, to variously-sized cathode ray tubes that put on a groovy light show when plotting evil in the labratory, he’s equipped. I guess when you’re a DIY evil genius, you have to make due with what’s implausibly available. Frankly, his whole lab looks like one big fire hazard. But he does wear goggles - remember, safety first! Or second. Possibly third. It’s really kind of an optional rule in the mad lab, isn’t it?

He soon gives his intended victims a try at his aftershave. One complains, “Pretty strong, isn’t it?”, so the doctor soothes him and instructs him to “rub it on the tender part of your neck,” while gesturing where the jugular veins are located. Hee. On cue, the bats commence an attack on the aftershave wearers. Much wild gesticulation of arms and loud screaming ensues. Double hee.

The Devil Bat is not so much scary as it is campy, but hey, some nights you want to watch a good movie, and some nights you simply want to watch a movie.

For a fun review of The Devil Bat, please check out part V of the Self-Styled Siren’s Perfume at the Movies series. The previous posts in the series are just as fun: part I, part II, part III, part IV.

I believe The Devil Bat is in the public domain. Unfortunately, a copy has yet to be uploaded to the generally awesome www.archive.org, which collects works with expired copyrights.

My husband is a generally silly man, prone to the odd verbal tangent. For example -

Me: feeling snacky and rooting around in the refrigerator

Him: “Whatcha looking for?”

Me: “Oh… nothing, I guess…”

Him: “Well, that’s the best place to look for it. I never find anything in there either.”

Since I’ve been sick all week long, and haven’t been able to smell much, I thought I’d ask him for some male grooming recommendations, thinking he’d have a lot to say on the subject. Turns out that wasn’t quite right. Here, in no particular order, are products that get Mr. Katie’s thumbs up, with corresponding and laconic reviews. Don’t let the brevity fool you: he’s super picky and acts like kind of a big baby about which products he uses.

And there you have it - a few products from my husband’s regular rotation. If you want to read a really great men’s lifestyle blog, I would suggest checking out the new-ish Dethroner, which bills itself as “the perfect guide for the imperfect man.” Even I’m utterly addicted, and I’m but an imperfect woman.