And now for something completely different
There seems to be a handful of rote descriptions perfume ads use over and over to sell their wares: sexy, alluring, fresh, enchanting, etcetera… A while back I tried sitting down and listing some more colorful alternative adjectives to use. Alas, I wound up with a very short list. The harder I tried to find good words, the more I kept thinking instead of some terrible choices for perfume ad copy. So here is that list instead:
Ha! Happy me…none of my perfume descriptive words appear here. I have a few more, like itchy, old-horse-sweaty, wet-sheepy, dogy (stands for old dog, wet, at 35°C), slimy, hmmmm…. your post is just great: I proves that our brain is much more capable of coming up with weird stuff than with what we aspire for. oh…just saw you feature itchy. Hmmm…two brains in parallel vibrations!
Andy
15 May 07 at 11:19 am
Lol, it would look great on a t-shirt or a mug. I think I used some of the unlikely words here: murky and fish. And I actually beg to disagree, I’d use mustard-laden, matronly, unctuous, nauseous, and mendacious if need be. If it comes to it, I’d also use pustular and vitriolic…..
Marie-Helene
15 May 07 at 11:55 am
Oh, this absolutely cracked me up. Have to say, itchy is my favorite; kept thinking of what mustard-laden might actually smell like. Hitleresque is hard to imagine, but a “matronly” fragrance is easy to visualize - bland, squarish and inoffensive shape to the bottle (with a light blue plastic cap). Thanks for the best laugh I’ve had all day…
rosarita
15 May 07 at 12:01 pm
So glad you posted!
These are hilarious of course, LOL!!
You have to have a great imagination to think of patricidal for perfume (an aroma that gives the poor guy a heart attack by its sheer boldness and no sense of propriety as worn by a promiscuous daughter?) or hitleresque (something that inflicts a genocide?)
Peripatetic would have to be something that is actually desirable though, even if most people don’t have a clue on what it means.
helg
15 May 07 at 1:31 pm
So glad you posted!
These are hilarious of course, LOL!!
You have to have a great imagination to think of patricidal for perfume (an aroma that gives the poor guy a heart attack by its sheer boldness and no sense of propriety as worn by a promiscuous daughter?) or hitleresque (something that inflicts a genocide?)
Peripatetic would have to be something that is actually desirable though, even if most people don’t have a clue what it means.
helg
15 May 07 at 1:31 pm
Andy - doggy would actually be a crazy trick to pull off! For a perfumer to capture “doggy” they’d have to somehow convey “puppy breath” (which sounds awful, but there’s something weirdly wonderful about warm puppy breath), the corn chip-like smell of dog feet, and then all those other weird smells that seem to emminate from various dogs. For example, Fred (when he’s warmed up from napping) mostly smells of overripe cheese, but then there’s this one spot on the back of his neck that always smells like fresh chocolate brownies. If a perfume could accurately capture “doggy,” I would actually be super impressed! That’s one hell of admixture of scents to be able to capture! Of course, no one would ever wear such a thing. But still, the accomplishment of doing so would be a dazzling technical feat. And “slimy” is great. It makes me think of the movie Alien for some reason: yikes!
Marie-Helene - Heh, if only I had a more enteprising spirit. But yeah, there are some fragrances as a blogger I’d describe as murky (can’t think of a fishy one, though, heh.) I do hope, however, I never encounter a perfume I find pustular… I’m not sure I’d make it through the whole development :)
Rosarita - okay, so I have to ‘fess up that I also wonder what a mustard-laden perfume might smell like! But I do think I’d be disappointed if it didn’t have a catsup note, as well ;P Weirdly, your description of a “matronly” fragrance sounds like D&G’s Light Blue, which cracks me up to no end!
Scentzilla!
15 May 07 at 1:42 pm
Helg - eh, I\\\’m not sure I\\\’d want to ever smell something that made anyone thought to be peripatetic, frankly. I guess I\\\’m predisposed to disliking Aristolian veins of thought generally anyhow (why not bother to count at least one actual woman\\\’s teeth before listing your presumed count, for example), but mostly, \\\”peripatetic\\\” has a very strong connotation of being \\\”pedestrian\\\” or \\\”commonplace\\\” in American English. In American English, describing a fragrance as peripatetic would be a less than desirable option for a perfume house ;) Eh, what do I know? I\\\’m more of a Bertrand Rusell and Wittgenstein fan, and god only knows what the hell a Wittgenstein fragrance would smell like… even the very thought gives me the shudders! Heavens preserve us all from a Wittgenstein frag! Thanks, I do like your description of what a patricidal perfume would smell like in particular, hee! Whole new and utterly awful vistas for perfume inspriation have suddenly opened up to me now… hehe.
Scentzilla!
15 May 07 at 1:54 pm
I’d like to smell that Wittgenstein fragrance, even if it were painfully over-developed. Like the dog perfume, it would be a great technical feat. I particularly like Orwellian and cromulent myself. Great post!
Tigs
15 May 07 at 3:09 pm
I’d like to smell that Wittgenstein fragrance, even if it were painfully over-developed. Like the dog perfume, it would be a great technical feat. I particularly like Orwellian and cromulent myself. Great post!
Tigs
15 May 07 at 3:09 pm
Tigs - Ha! It should have been painfully obvious to me that a Wittgenstein fragrance would HAVE to be over-developed. And then loop back on itself to cancel parts of itself out, heh! It would be a very interesting technical feat, though, of that I have no doubt. And thanks!
Scentzilla!
15 May 07 at 3:34 pm
Oh, Katie, I wasn’t aware of that nuance of meaning in American English. Figures…I was thinking more along a “golden rule” of moderance and all that. Thanks for elucidating.
Wittgenstein perfume: I’d think there are some of those circulating already!! Don’t you? LOL!
helg
16 May 07 at 2:17 am
” You made me so…very happy-
I’m so glad you…came into…my life !”
Hate that song, but love what you’ve done with the place.
I WANT that T shiet.
Make it a WET one, please.
Would you model it for us, on-line ?
[It would certainly help defray the cost of college for your demon spawn, if we charged-per-view !]
chayaruchama
16 May 07 at 3:50 am
Oy…
I meant, SHIRT.
chayaruchama
16 May 07 at 3:51 am
Chaya’s in a saucy mood today. I like what you did with testicles (I am of course referring to your work up there…)
How about:
perineal
mucilaginous
bovine
dyspeptic
?
Leopoldo
16 May 07 at 5:36 am
I just love “soggy”. LOL! I’d buy “matronly”, especially coupled with that font. “Rotisserie” is perfect for those unsweet gourmand lovers. This should be a T-shirt, Katie, but i’d more likely buy the mug. You’re such a visionary with things to say.
Sali Oguri
16 May 07 at 1:43 pm
ROTFL!
Oh, I don’t know - “Rotisserie” sounds delicious! And I can think of a few fragrances that were created by “ham-fisted” perfumers (*Cough* C’est La Vie *Cough*). “Jurassic?” I immediately thought of the “dyspeptic” (see? You CAN use these words!)triceratops scene in Jurassic Park - Now THAT’s fragrant!’Nuff said.
:-D
Flora
16 May 07 at 9:42 pm
*clap clap clap*
Great list, K.
Robin
17 May 07 at 6:58 am
Love it! Though I happen to think many of my favorite frags are bitchin’!
Trina
17 May 07 at 6:40 pm
En Passant is a little yeasty, and I mean that in the most affectionate way! :) Love your list, and I agree that it needs to be a t-shirt!
Patty
18 May 07 at 6:31 am
It was a lot of fun!
Love your blog too although it is the first time here. (I don’t know why didn’t I find you earlier. ) Anyway, we’d love to invite you to join our network and feature your blog on our site from time to time. If you are interested, feel free to email me at: support at apples2apple.com for more detail.
Anne
18 May 07 at 7:27 pm
Helg - I can’t think of a Wittgenstein ‘fume, actually - it’s too hard to imagine for me ;)
Chayaruchama - Good lord, you’re a randy one! No wet t-shirts here, no siree. I’m already getting the weirdest pr0n spam as it is!!!
Leo - Ooh, I like those. I particularly have to single out “dyspeptic.” That is a perfectly bad choice for ad copy. Heh!
Sali - I’m not sure why, but “soggy” makes me think of breakfast cereal, hee. I’m not sure too many folks out there would hear “matronly” and think it’s a must-buy: you are unique there.
Flora - I always think of Kenny Rogers old restaraunt chain of roasted chickens when I hear the word rotisserie. Which is not conjuring up a pretty picture, I guess ;P
Robin - thanks
Trina - You know, I don’t know I’d find the word so freaking funny if it were not for this old co-worker I once had. His whole concept of popular culture was apparently frozen in time, and he described a lot things as “bitchin’,” which was really funny when a James Taylor song would come over the soundsystem at work, and he’d try and get me on board with the idea that “Sweet Baby James” was such a bitchin’ tune. Like… oh I don’t know, maybe you just had to be there… I should mention he always had a hair pick in his back pocket at the ready - that’s just what a bitchin’ dude he was.
Patty - Hee, okay, I never really thought “yeasty” in regards to En Passant, but now I am SO going to be looking for it :)
Anne, thanks.
Scentzilla!
20 May 07 at 5:04 pm
Coming in here after the fact to say:
Oh! But I am now *dying* for a perfume named “twee”! What would it smell like? Thinking of fussy little scents, slight and prim, that know too much for their own good, but are somehow adorable anyway. I have a soft spot for the twee, having stumbled into that error (?) myself more than once…
sweetlife
18 Jun 07 at 11:34 am
sweetlife - hee! Yeah, I guess there are a number of frags out there already one could deem “twee” if one were so inclined, but it’d be a huge thing if the advertisers actually described them that way on their own. I like my own fair share of perfumes that I suppose one could call “twee,” too, despite my protestations to the contrary ;)
Scentzilla!
18 Jun 07 at 5:08 pm