Scentzilla!

I was waiting for a stroke of inspiration to hit me for a Thanksgiving-themed post this week, but it hasn’t come yet. The trouble with inspiration seems to be that it usually occurs in the middle of the night, when there’s sleeping to be done, and then I wake up to discover I’ve forgotten the allegedly brilliant thing that I was totally going to remember in the morning because it was so brilliant. So I stuck a pen and notebook on the dresser next to the bed, thinking I’d quick write it down before I’d fall back asleep. Then there’d be fresh, pretty ideas waiting for me to start the day with!

Here’s what I jotted down… In your head, try to imagine this written in line scrawl, with checkmarks before each word, and a single exclamation mark to the right that was five times the size of the words themselves. Underneath this lurked what was I believe was supposed to be a little round smiley face, but I can’t be sure, because it’s actually kind of egg shaped with some chicken scratch lines in the middle:

• brown
• jellybeans
• vintage

Ah. Yes. Apparently my big idea was to dig under the couch cushions to find remnants of old rotting candy hidden back last Easter, which not only addresses the wrong holiday, but is also pretty gross. Where the hell was I going with that? Well, there’s one lesson learned: there are no good ideas in the sleeping darkness, only crazy ones.

I am themeless. Here, in no particular order, are random things I’ve been thinking about…

1.) Balla Powder, Scented Scrotum Talc for Men.

This is a product?

I mean, a real one?

Not some item you see sitting between the remote control fart machine and the “How do you like your boobies” shirt at Spencer’s Gifts? (Both of which, by the way, we are reminded are “hilarious” by Spencer’s. We can all feel grateful they’re explicitly informing us of this fact, since it would have remained otherwise unnoticed.)

I am sure there’s a joke to be found about Balla Powder somewhere, and I’m pretty sure the punchline goes, “Tom Ford.” But I haven’t the steel stomach to go looking for it.

2.) Dolce & Gabanna Light Blue. So perfect. So chic. So popular. It’s the pretty cheerleader that everyone likes! But alas, there’s always that crowd that secretly hates the pretty cheerleader, and even moreso when people keep insisting “she’s so nice.” I am with that crowd. Light Blue is a mix of lemon, bergamot, cedar and white musk, with a green apple twist. Doesn’t that sound so nice? While I’m not sure any perfume can convey irony, Light Blue smells of veiled sarcasm to me. It’s shiny-happy on the surface, but then! Out of nowhere! A sharp metal knife driven into your back, or really, straight at your nostrils, just as soon as you let your guard down. And this, after you’ve already felt a small blast of Lysol up your nose, too.

People keep telling me to “give it another chance, just stick with it, and eventually it’ll work for you, too.” That sounds suspiciously like perfume appeasement, and Neville Chamberlaining with a perfume that insists on antagonizing you is a terrible plan. I shall fight at the counters, I shall fight at the display racks, I shall fight in the aisles and in the streets, I shall fight at Sephora; I shall never surrender.

I shall also remember that taking Benadryl for my allergies makes me very, very loopy. Seriously. It’s like being drunk, but without the fun, the beery deliciousness, or the comparative coherence of thought.

Anyhow, I hereby declare that I am done trying to come around to Light Blue. It’s a remarkably bad fit, and we are just never going to get along. If you and Light Blue are good buddies, congrats. You’re one of the lucky ones. It sure ain’t for me, though.

3.) Madonna’s NBC concert special is set to air this Thanksgiving Eve. Because nothing beats spending the holidays with Grandma. (I’ve no idea where that bit o’ vitriol came from, and no, I don’t really think she’s old. I’ve got nothing against her in particular, I swear. Just a vague annoyance that we’re supposed to find her antics lately at all compelling.)

4.) I finally cracked open a sealed bottle of a vintage fragrance I’ve been sitting on for months now. I’d wanted it for forever, but hadn’t worked up the nerve to unseal it right away. Oh man. I believe I found my Holy Grail perfume. More on that in a coming post, but I want to give another go ’round before I write about it.

5.) The Philosophy Lemonade 3-in-1 shampoo is proving to be a big hit with the menfolk in my house. It’s not really my kind of scent, but it’s quite good. Not too tart, not too sweet, a little pulpy, maybe a wee touch of woodiness. All in all, a really good representation of lemonade. My picky husband swears to me that it works equally as well on hair and on body - I’m taking his word on that and passing it along. My boys have been loving it for their bubble baths, and I must say, it foams up nicely.

6.) While I’m at it I am going to also recommend their Double Rich Hot Cocoa 3-in-1. I bought last winter, too, and it is the best fudgey-chocolately shower gel I’ve ever come across. Sometimes chocolate scented bath/body stuff hits me with a vague whiff of vinyl doggie chew toys, but this one’s fragrance is blessedly plastic-free. I don’t use it for shampoo, so I can’t say one way or the other how that works out. However, it does serve up a rich bubble bath, in addition to feeding a fine dessert to the ol’ shower poof. Hot Cocoa might just be my favorite 3-in-1 from Philosophy.

7.) Has anyone tried their Sugar Plum Fairy one? I should know better, but the name and bottle are so cute and utterly twee that I totally want to try it. Is it any good? Does it smell of plums, or what?

Image of Balla Powder from MenEssentials.com. Images of Philosophy 3-in-1s from Beauty.com. Image of Light Blue from Sephora.