Scentzilla!

As you can probably tell from the lack of posting, I’m still sick and my nose still is not working properly. I blow my nose, and out pops what looks like alien larvae. It’s not a cold; It’s a full-scale space invasion. Hopefully the cruel alien overlords living in my sinuses will allow me to start smelling again soon.

Anyhow, we’re almost ready for Halloween now, costumes in hand. My son Zeke is going to be Harry Potter, because he loves Harry Potter. My son Henry is going to be a Dumbledore wizard, because he understands hierarchal social organization. Nothing beats out-ranking your brother. My husband and I are dressing up as Muggles, because we are exquisitely cheap bastards.

Last year for Halloween I wrote about Jesus Del Pozo’s Halloween fragrance, which smells sweetly of airy freesia, and is not at all spooky. So this year I’m calling out the hoodoo. If you’d like to learn a little about what hoodoo is, I think the online explanation at mamiwata.com should prove helpful and very interesting.

In 1935, Zora Neale Hurston published a collection of folklore entitled Mules and Men. In the appendix of the book you’ll find a brief list of “Paraphernalia of Conjure,” including a number of scented and perfume items. It seems antithetical (and possibly super offensive) to match commercial fragrances to the listed elixirs and mystic charms, yet I’m going to plow ahead anyhow since it sounds fun. Besides, I’ve attacked the nose aliens with Vicks and TheraFlu with little success, so maybe there’s something in here that will help me drive them out.

“1. Fast Luck: Aqueous solution of oil of Citronella. It is put scrub water to scrub the house. It brings luck in business, pulling customers into a store.”

If I smelled citronella wafting strongly out of a store, the first thing I’d think is “AH! Insect infestation!” and would avoid going in at all costs. I’m sissy like that.

“2. Red Fast Luck: Oil of Cinnamon and Oil of Vanilla, What is set down here are the things most commonly wintergreen. Used as above to bring luck.”

Ooh, this is a hard one. The wintergreen throws a wrench into things, since I can’t think of anything that has all three of those. So I’ll mention two cinnamon and vanilla frags dripping with appeal: Givenchy Organza Indecence, and Galimard Galimar. However, the notes of both Viktor & Rolf Antidote and Jean Paul Gaultier Le Male do include mint, cinnamon, and vanilla, and both are nice choices for a man who wants to get lucky. *ahem*

“3. Essence of Van Van: Ten percent. Oil of Lemon Grass. alcohol. (Different doctors specify either grain, mentholate.’ or wood alcohol), Used for luck and power of all kinds. Is the most popular conjure drug in Louisiana.”

V’tae Green Grass & Sunshine certainly bewitched me, as well as March (Perfume Posse) and Ayala (SmellyBlog). Dunno if it brings luck or power, but it seems to work its power over all of us.

“4. Fast Scrubbing Essence: A mixture of thirteen oils. It is burned with incense for fish-fry luck, i.e. business success. It includes: Essence Cinnamon; Essence Wintergreen; Essence Geranium; Essence Bergamot; Essence Orange Flowers, used also in initiation baths; Essence Lavender; used also in initiation baths; Essence Anice; Essence St. Michael; Essence Rosemary.”

She only lists nine of those thirteen oils, but I think a philosophical fit for it would be Parfums Reichenbach’s Golden Drop, which is a heady thing indeed. Of course, Golden Drop is very vanillic and amber rich, as well as very spiced and floral. It’s also so strong that some people may be compelled to scrub it off fast. Even with only nine elements listed, I have to say, what a frightening combination to use unless you’re a professional perfumer and know what the hell you’re doing…

“5. Water Notre Dame: Oil of White Rose and water. Sprinkle it about the home to make peace.”

I’m going with Sun Moon Stars, Sonia Grojsman’s creation for Karl Lagerfeld. The name seems appropriately cosmic enough to affect karma, with a bonus comet tail of dusty sillage. White rose lurks amongst the floral bouquet, though in parfum strength the fruitier (peachy and orangey) aspects come out more promiently. Oh, not that I’d sprinkle parfum around the house though - wouldn’t that get expensive quick… I think the relatively inexpensive and much more floral edt would suffice, no?

“6. War Water: Oil of Tar in water (filtered). Break a [...?...] of it on the steps wherever you wish to create strife, is sometimes made of creolin in water.”

Oh lordy, oil of tar does sound suitable for war. Let’s go with Thierry Mugler’s A*Men, shall we? Given the strong reactions people take to this one, it does seem a likely candidate to create strife, or at least a little controversy. A*Men is the “masculine” follow-up to his blockbuster Angel.

“7. Four Thieves Vinegar. It is used for breaking up homes making a person run crazy, for driving off. It is sometimes put with a name in a bottle and the bottle thrown into moving water. It is used also to ‘dress’ cocoanuts to kill and drive crazy.”

Heh heh. Killer coconuts. That sounds like the greatest B-movie horror film ever. Attack of the Killer Coconuts! AHHH! And they’re “dressed” in wee hockey masks! They’re crazy! Run!

“8. Egyptian Paradise Seed (Amonium Melegrcta). This is used in seeking success. Take a picture of St. Peter and put it at the front door and a picture of St. Michael at the back door. Put the Paradise seeds in little bags and put one behind each saint. It is known as ‘feeding the saint.’ “

Hm, I’m having a time trying to figure this one out. I find references to it as a sesame seed like product, as well as to strains of cannabis plants. I think the most likely suspect may well be Grains of Paradise (sometimes called Aframomum Melegueta, Amomum Melegueta or Melegueta Pepper) which one can find in… Kenneth Cole? It ain’t a common ingredient, that’s for sure. Maybe you really do just need the seeds themselves here, since Kenneth Cole never really inspired me to seek success at anything. It doesn’t even inspire me to wear it. Besides, I refuse to feed any saints. They never say please first, and have a rude habit of showing up unnannouced in window streaks and toast.

“9. Guinea Paradise seed. Use as above.”

It looks like it’s the same thing as Egyptian Paradise seed, if my guesses are correct.

“10. Guinea pepper. This may also be used for feeding saints; also for breaking up homes or protecting one from conjure.”

Ditto.

“11. White Mustard seed. For protection against harm.”

Harm from whom? Hot dogs? A nice creamy bisque? White mustard is actually yellow to brownish in color, and is what is most commonly used in the mustard preparations we’re all familiar with.

“12. Black Mustard seed. For causing disturbance and strife.”

Yeah, I suspect it would be disturbing to find you keep smelling mustard for no good reason. If I found out someone was littering my home with mustard, there’d be some strife and what for to be had, all right.

“13. Has-no-harra Jasmine lotion. Brings luck to gamblers.”

Hm, luck for gamblers, ay? You know, I’m going to pick Chanel No. 5 body lotion. The whole dubious myth behind the creation of this 1921 scent makes it sound like perfumer Ernest Beaux was taking a gamble when he presented it to Coco Chanel, and look how well that turned out. No. 5 is of course more famous for it’s heady aldehydes than jasmine, but I think it counts. And according to Chanel, equally as dubiously, the number five was allegedly also Coco’s lucky number. I’d say so, yes.

“14. Carnation, a perfume. As above.”

Lots of choices exist to pick from, but I’m going to go with a quasi-recent discovery of mine, a cheap little charmer called Carnation by the Russian perfumery Novaya Zarya. It’s simple and spicy, even if it’s not quite true to the flower. Floris’ famous Malmaison would be another basic but lovely choice, with cool creamy powder intonations accompanying clove goodness. Malmaison is rumored to have been Oscar Wilde’s favorite fragrance, though who knows if it’s true? Alas, he suffers from a surfeit of witicisms to answer for himself in death.

“15. Three Jacks and a King. A perfume. As above.”

I have no idea, but what a marvelous name, no? This name possibly refers to a parlour trick involving those face cards, though I am sure it goes deeper than that. It ain’t a bad hand to have in poker, but given the long history of cartomancy going all the way back to the tarot game, I wonder if it doesn’t go deeper than that. The first think I thought of was the trio of knights charged with protecting the Holy Grail, but it could be anything. Does anyone here have some insight into the significance? Anyhow, looks like one can find incense bearing this name being sold with a quick Googling.

“16. Narcisse. As above but mild.”

As above but mild? I guess it’s only if you need a smidge of luck. I’m having a hard time thinking of a narcissus perfume that might be considered mild. Perhaps Creed’s Love in White? Ach, no - screw mild! Go for a Caron! Consider Infini or Narcisse Noir. Or perhaps K de Krizia, which is not exactly mild, but it’s as crisp as a well-ironed collar and easy to wear.

“17. Nutmegs, bored and stuffed with quicksilver and sealed with wax, and rolled in Argentorium are very lucky for gamblers.”

I am not into craft projects. Let the superstitious Martha Stewarts of the world make it into, like, poisonous little placeholders or keychains or something. Or, if you’re more of a Sandra Lee fan, use them to create a “festive” tablescape! (Those aren’t real quote marks there, they’re sarcastic ones, but no one has invented the sarcasm font yet.) Let’s face it - the mercury (quicksilver) is less deadly than her “cooking.” I mean, taking the packet of powder from boxed mac & cheese slatering it over corn-on-the-cob? Dear god.

“18. Lucky Dog is best of all for gamblers’ use.”

And to think I thought dogs playing poker was just an excuse to paint on velvet. My dog feels lucky when he gets to skip his bath. I don’t recommend that particular odor. Instead, I’ll recommend Buddy Wash for your unlucky dogs, which has a long-lasting deodorizing fragrance, and seems to be quite gentle on my doggie’s sensitive skin. It smells of lavender and mint, which somehow kind of masks the worst bits of wet dog odor, too. I get it at Trader Joe’s, but a number of online retailers also sell it, including the amazingly handy drugstore.com.

“19. Essence of Bend Over. Used to rule and have your way.”

Not gonna touch this one with a ten foot pole. (And will try my best to avoid lame potshots directed at Joe Francis.) But hey, you may wish to check out an apropos post over at Marlen’s place.

“20. Cleo May, a perfume. To compel men to love you.”

I’ve yet to find the perfume that compels men to love me, though I HAVE found that the smell of chile rellenos cooking is a damn powerful aphrodisiac. There is no chile relleno perfume. Dammit.

“21. Jockey Club, a perfume. To make love and get work.”

Uh… wow. “To make love and get work?” Both? At the same time? I guess a gal wears it if she’s in the House of the Rising Sun… I suggest Dana Tabu, conceived of in 1931 by Javier Serra as a “puta” perfume, and delegated to the legendary perfumer Jean Carles. If you’re not sure what a puta means, click here for a dictionary definition.

“22. Jasmine Perfume. For luck in general.”

Good lord, this is such a common ingredient that the choices are many. Some notable perfumes containing jasmine include Caron Nocturnes, Serge Lutens A La Nuit, The Different Company’s Jasmin de Nuit. Vintage perfumes are a wonderful way to discover jasmine as well. Houbigant’s Chantilly, as it gloriously once used to be, smelled indolic way down deep at its base, with a side of leather as well. Jacques Griffe’s Ma Griffe also uses jasmine, and although its spicy green character is what is more often noted about it, it is jasmine which seems to hover like an etherial cloud above the cinnamon, weighty ylang, galbanum, and civet.

“23. White Rose. To make peace.”

Well, besides the afore mentioned Sun Moon Stars, there are other white rose choices. Sheseido’s or Floris’ are named as such, though the Sheseido is so rare as to be impractical, whereas the Floris one you can actually find without much effort.

Significantly, the Anglo/Franco tradition of the language of flowers (especially fetishized during the Victorian era) was understood to symbolize sentiments and feelings that might not be expressed explicitly by using particular flowers or colors of flowers. More complex expressions were conveyed in bouquet form. Predictably, white generally connoted innocence or purity. A white rose might symbolize worthiness or silence, while a white rosebud might say “too young” to know or understand love. Likely, white rose may not have been used soley for its calming aroma, but also to allude to these cryptic meanings. There is an online e-book available of excerpts from The Flowers Personified available online, describing this obsession with floral meanings along and displaying beautiful plates, hosted at Earthly Pursuits.

“24. French Lilac. Best for vampires.”

Now, if this had said, best for repelling vampires I would make some suggestions. But if best for vampires? Why help them out, you know? Plus, if Anne Rice is correct, they sound like a bunch of dandies who don’t need my advice in the grooming department.

You can find a little bit about Zora Neale Hurston and read Mules and Men online by visiting the Mules and Men E-Project

You can find more out about nasal space invaders by visiting a doctor’s office for a regular call when you’re not sick, followed up by a visit to a local school classroom packed with germ-happy, virus-giving 1st graders.