You Smelt It, But You Dealt It Not
Ever get the feeling that more than a few perfume houses are downright farty lately?
I don’t mean artsy-fartsy, nor do I mean their fragrances smell like actual passed gas. In fact, the hallmark of most farty perfumes is that they smell perfectly pleasant. And perfectly boring.
It’s an unfortunate phenomenon which happens to every house once in a while.
Some more than others.
The pressure builds and builds, and they’ve just got to release something. They don’t mean to: It’s not as if they’re intentionally polluting the air.
But they do, temporarily relieving the pressure and subjecting everyone else to the emitting ‘fumes. And they like their own. Understandably. It’s said we all do, secretly.
So here’s a proposition: name your personal picks for farty fragrances. Nominate the fartiest fragrance of 2006 (thus far), as well as perhaps those you feel should enter the Farty Hall of Fame. For example, I think perhaps the honor of being the fartiest fragrance of 2005 falls to Coty’s Shania.
Don’t worry about repeating nominations. If it turns out I’m not alone in the sentiment, I’ll tally up the responses and run a poll to narrow down the winner (loser?)
Who will win the 1st Annual Farty?
One lucky commenter who mentions his/her nominations, chosen randomly from a bowl by my husband, will win a sample of Tauer Perfumery’s lovely limited edition Orris. Which is not farty in the least. (I know that sounds like a back-handed compliment, I know, and am so sorry about that Andy.) I would reward the winner with a farty, but that sounds an awful lot like pouring salt into a wound and then mailing the recipient more salt. Better to send ya somethin’ nice, somethin’ that’ll make ya smile. This offer is open to anyone anywhere in the world.
On a seperate, though arguably related note, why does Vera Wang Princess have a myspace? Or more accurately, what does anyone get out of being a “friend” of an inanimate object? I’m curious. Would “friending,” say, a potato peeler prove any more sensical?
COMMENTS AND DRAWING ENTRIES ARE NOW CLOSEDÂ
September 19th, 2006 at 12:00 pm
Dear Katie…I feel honored. Don’t worry at all. I have to rush and tell it on my blog, …you are serious, aren’t you?
September 19th, 2006 at 12:07 pm
[…] Well, a short break in this blog’s routine: Visit scentzilla, give your F. Perfume input and be (eventually) a lucky winner of a little Orris sample, (not from my stock, this one is empty, but from Katie’s stock)….. […]
September 19th, 2006 at 12:15 pm
Gosh, it is SO hard to choose.
Givenchy Mariage?
KLS Golden Goddess?
L’Artisan Mandarine Tout Simplement? (it pains me to write that, but how many releases are we up to this year? Four?)
Hummer H2? (Sephora says it’s “sexy. deep. urban.” Actually, the notes don’t sound bad at all … god, stop me now!!!)
September 19th, 2006 at 12:41 pm
May I just say anything from Elizabeth Arden since umm Blue Grass?
September 19th, 2006 at 2:26 pm
various versions of Ferragamo Incanto?
Lacoste Touch of Pink? Gucci EDP II?
It`s difficult to remember their names, they are so forgettable…
Greatsheelephant, I agree! Splendor bored me almost to tears.
September 19th, 2006 at 3:07 pm
Andy, yes, of course I’m serious. Well, about the Orris anyhow ;) It’s lovely. Though I must say I do prefer your Lonestar simply because of the leather and the soft melancholy within it.
March, oooh, all good nominations. I’ve not smelled the new Kimora, though somehow I already know what it smells like ;P
GSE, oh dear, I’m just glancing at Basenotes’ list right now, and… wow, yeah. I realize I’ve actually smelled a goodly number of those over the years, and yet I could not describe a single thing about them. Arden’s really on a decades long roll, aren’t they. Although, I do rather like Sunflowers. I can’t say it’s a fave by any means, but it’s nice to catch on other folks now and then.
benvenuta, fantastic nominations. I forgot all about Touch of Pink and Gucci II… you’re right. Wow. So many others to be that have likely slipped through the cracks of memory like that, too, to be sure.
September 19th, 2006 at 3:36 pm
So many farts, so little time…
I nominate F for Ferragamo- BIG PU!
P.S.- Hope you liked my authentic, bona fide sea chanty- I’m SUCH an infant…
September 19th, 2006 at 4:10 pm
Gucci Envy Me 2 seemed pretty pathetic. And do there really need to be more Paris Hilton and Britney Spears perfumes? Maybe they could just release different gaudy bottles with the same sugary stuff inside.
September 19th, 2006 at 4:21 pm
chaya, hehe, yeah, too bad there’s not also a Sea Chanty day, no? I suppose one could simplyi be invented if need be!
Twibbet, in a way one could argue they already do that ;P
September 19th, 2006 at 5:44 pm
I would like to nominate anything and everything by J. Lo. One bad release after another! But, if I had to choose it would be Glo. Boring is predictable and she’s got that down!
September 19th, 2006 at 6:47 pm
Arrrrrgh Wench! I be nominatin’ Delices fer the fartiest of the year…arrrrrrhg! Avast! ta Davey Jones’ locker with it.
And I’d be callin’ on Guerlain fer the past decade o their mass releases of bilge fer yer fartin’ hall o fame…arrrrrgh! time ta unfurl the masts an liberate a bit o the good juice from Paree.
September 19th, 2006 at 7:06 pm
Prada Amber Pur Homme (a.k.a. Prada Man) - simply boring, unimaginative, and not unique - and thus “farty”!
September 20th, 2006 at 5:55 am
I nominate Insolence.
September 20th, 2006 at 6:39 am
I nominate Giorgio Beverly Hills. I think it’s fartyness speaks for its self.
September 20th, 2006 at 6:45 am
Good nominations!
I absolutely agree with Insolence & “F”, the Ferragamo no brainer.
I’m usually a fan of Annick Goutal but I’d like to nominate Songes for the 1st Annual Farty.
Additional nominations would include: (providing I can nominate more than one)Badley Mischka, for the fruity fart category, Play-Doh by Demeter Fragrance Library ewwwh…plastic farty! Finally, anything by Tom Ford or Sean John, just because I find them annoying.
Thanks, Katie. This is fun!
September 20th, 2006 at 7:09 am
Euphoria Men..Just smelled it today, and it fits perfectly.
It smells quite pleasant, but in the most boring way, that means I will never buy it, and even never wear it
September 20th, 2006 at 9:24 am
I nominate Prada pour homme, Escada Into the Blue,
September 20th, 2006 at 9:56 am
Katie - are you going to send that statue to the winning designer and/or celebrity behind the winner of the Farty? Any plans for a ceremony? I nominate Apothia L, the only sample I’ve ever thrown in the trash after 1 spray.
September 20th, 2006 at 10:32 am
I nominate L’eau par Kenzo as a farty fragrance. What was I thinking when I bought it? Shame on me. I don’t know when it came out. This year? Last year? And I’m stuck with it. I cringe every time I decide to spray some on. (Can’t waste it and toss it out, can I? Do I dare pawn it off on a friend/relative? Hey, I couldn’t dislike someone that much, could I?)
September 20th, 2006 at 11:49 am
How did Coty’s Shania do saleswise anyway? I haven’t smelled it so I could unfairly maligning it, but I see no point in revisiting ck one so I nominate Calvin Klein ck one electric. Still, it could be good. I’m just a little tired of the original. :D
September 20th, 2006 at 4:11 pm
Clearly Guerlain for the sins of reformulation. Cursed forever be the souls of LVMH.
Had a ridiculously farty experience yesterday with Hermes’s Elixir des Merveilles, a variation of an interesting but non-FBW fragrance, which I swear smelled of nothing so much as baby sick! As far as I can tell this was simply a low-grade attempt to further leverage a brand without actually making a perfume which is in any way good. Particularly farty because one expects better from Hermes - the fact of Yer Average Fashion House releasing Yer Average Wholly Uninteresting Mainstream Fragrance isn’t something that I get terribly excited about.
I am excited about Mandarine Mandarin, however - I am profoundly sad that it’s ultimately a bit feminine for me, but it’s a magnificent bittersweet perfume.
September 20th, 2006 at 4:12 pm
Ooh, okay then, KenzoAmour. Just rubbish. Again one has come to expect a little bit better.
September 20th, 2006 at 6:37 pm
I nominate Prada, the perfume. Granny fart. And Michael Kors Island. Tropical fart. I don’t think either one of those came out in 2006, but it felt good just to say it.
September 21st, 2006 at 12:58 am
My vote for 2006 definately goes to l’Homme by Yves Saint Laurent. Never have I anticipated a new fragrance so eagerly, simply based on the house. I was so disappointed by it’s mainstreamness and utter un-originality that I completely refuse to sample it a second time.
l’Homme by YSL for Fartiest Frag!
September 21st, 2006 at 5:57 am
I second Red Hot Mamma’s nomination for Sean John being annoying. But Paris Hilton’s fragrances are more annoying! I wonder why. Stupidity/fatuousness annoys me more than attempts to prove oneself a male escort? You’d think it’d be the reverse. Oh, but I suppose stupidity has been angering me for 6 years now. But I’m not bitter ;) Ahem.
Laf, lively thread! Too much farting, apparently.
September 21st, 2006 at 12:07 pm
I nominate Turquoise by Ralph Lauren, and the latest ones from him, too, for that matter. That line has become ridiculously farty.
I second the nomination on Insolence.
I also nominate Oscar de L.’s newest - a Hibiscus and something else - ugh!
V. fun topic - thanks!
September 21st, 2006 at 2:10 pm
Anne, heh, I know of what you speak, given the glut of celeb frags going around these days.
Lisa, oh I do like that Guerlain rereleased some items… have you tried the Sous le Vent reissue yet? I find it interesting. But given all the nominations for Insolence, obviously you’re not alone in thinking they’ve made some missteps ;)
zeram1, I STILL haven’t smelled that one! I keep forgetting, but somehow I get the feeling I’m not missing much, heh!
Marina, duly noted, and not entirely unexpectedly ;P
Sharon, it smells of big shoulder pads and even bigger hair! That thing is so laden with 80s memories. It’s like, you catch a whiff and are suddenly transported to an episode of Dynasty.
Red Hot Mama, heh heh, so many yeah! I just decided to skip out on trying the Play-Doh one… I figured it’d smell fairly bleh anyhow. I share your annoyance with Ford and Puffy - they try so durned hard to be “interesting” and always wind up seeming banal.
Oscar, thanks - I really found Euphoria for women so awfully dull. Sounds like we can all skip the men’s version then, too.
Jenn, oh another for Prada pour homme. Wow. Hehe. I’ve heard less than enthusiastic responses for the Into the Blue, sounds like just another easily forgotten Escada to add to the pile of their annual fruit-arrheas.
sariah, I wonder what a ceremony for this would be like?! I’ve skipped L, but wow - after 1 spray… must have been baaaaad.
Karen, oh I know. I hate that - you buy these sorts of things thinking they’re pleasant, and then feel awful looking at a bottle that’s hardly touched and hardly worth the trouble of remembering it in the first place to remember to try to give it away.
kuri, not sure on Shania’s sales figures. It probably did rather well upon initial release, since it had a nice chunk of publicity not just from the advertising on TV and in mags, but also because it was featured within one of the tasks last year on The Apprentice. But I don’t think it’s doing THAT well, since I’m already seeing it at the discount stores, which… it’s already fairly inexpensive as it is, so, make of that what you will.
MorningOil, I sympathize with the reformulation beef - Shalimar smells like Shalimar to me, but not quite “right” somehow. Dunno how to explain it. It’s unfortunate. EdM smelled of baby sick? Eeeeesh. Not good, not good at all. Mandarine Mandarin has gotten such mixed reviews it seems, no? I’ve got a sick curiosity about KenzoAmour, just because it seems so disliked by all you fellow perfume nuts - schadenfreude, heh.
greeneyes, oh duly noted… I think Prada is such a polarizing frag. People either love it or hate it, with little middle ground. Island is one that I was only meh over until earlier this year. I was going to the restroom at one of our local theatres… this woman was spraying it on, and it filled the women’s lounge up so entirely that it felt lilke I was pressed up against the walls trying to breathe. I don’t know… frankly I would have prefered the smell of the actual toilet water itself if given a choice. Good god, that did it in for Island.
Kristof, I forgot all about that one! Yikes! Too many releases to keep track of again this year, but apparently that’s okay in l’Homme’s case :P
kuri, I’m not keen on any of Paris’ either. I just… don’t care about them. They’re like her, thin and boring as hell.
BBliss, I haven’t been to the Ralph Lauren section of the perfume counter in a while, but even the sort of recent ones like Turquoise I can’t remember a thing about. Good noms!
September 22nd, 2006 at 5:13 am
Okay!
Eclat d`Arpege, Lacoste Touch of Sun, Bvlgari Omnia Cristalline, Hugo Boss Pure Purple, RL Romance, Pure Poison, J`Adore, True Star, EnJoy…
September 22nd, 2006 at 9:50 am
I raise my hand and nominate any and all of the Escada summer LEs. I’d be so much happier sticking my head in a bowl of fruit punch (spiked, of course! lol)
September 22nd, 2006 at 10:53 am
benvenuta, oh the list could just go on and on, couldn’t it. Couldn’t agree more with you about Omnia Crystalline especially.
Teri, hee hee - it’s not even worth the trouble of listing them all by name, is it? Heh.
September 22nd, 2006 at 1:50 pm
OH! OH! OH! I have a good suggestion for a farty fragrance! Vera Wang’s Princess. It’s new this year. My mom fell and broke her hip just moments after sniffing VW “Princess” at Nordstrom. Could it have been that bad?
Seriously, this really happened. And I know that her fall was probably just a coincidence or bad luck but you never know . . . This happened last month. After attending church, we stopped at the Nordstrom’s near home and were having a pleasant time sniffing the fragrances. The car was parked just a few steps away, and we were walking toward the exit, when my mom keeled over and broke her hip. She had to get some sort of surgery and is now in a rehab facility (she’s 83 years old.) Fortunately, it was her left hip - so she will hopefully still be able to drive. Anyway, watch out of those Vera Wang fragrances! They just might make you keel over too!
September 22nd, 2006 at 5:40 pm
Another vote for… Insolence! What is Guerlain thinking??
Great contest! Amy
September 23rd, 2006 at 7:27 am
You summed up Paris perfectly.
Did you notice that Vera Wang Princess has 27000!?!?! friends on myspace. Unless there’s something wrong w/ the counter (they must have serious servers allocated for that site.) so I guess it’s a brilliant marketting scheme. I have no idea what those 27000 people are getting out of it though. Very bizarre.
September 23rd, 2006 at 7:36 am
pardon my spelling of marketing :P
September 23rd, 2006 at 5:12 pm
Zilla,
I was taking about Guerlain’s mass market releases, not the good stuff that could provoke a Viking to sail up the Seine to Paris for a good pillage’n'burn. Remember always: First you pillage and THEN you burn.
Have to remind the crew of this frequently. A barbarian’s life is never easy. le sigh….
September 25th, 2006 at 2:15 am
Celeb-fragrances….*yawn*
All they make me think of is the olfactory equivalent of Charlie Brown’s teacher…
September 25th, 2006 at 2:22 pm
Karen, oh no! I’m so sorry - hope she heals up without any complications. Yikes. And good suggestion on the Princess for a nomination.
Amy, thanks - I think somehow with all the noms for Insolence now, the odds are pretty good it’s gonna win!
kuri, I did notice. I mean, I have mostly family and friends on my list, but I do have some musicians on my list because some of them are fairly obscure so it makes it easy to get bulletins for tour dates, new releases, and the like. But what would Princess do? (And no worries on typos or spelling:))
Lisa S, ahhhh, gotcha! Whew. That makes much more sense to me! (I got you pegged as having pretty impeccable taste, so I wondered about that!)
Erika, hee! I have nothing to add, but that cracked me right up. That is entirely the gist of things, it would seem!