Scentzilla!

I’ve been a bad, bad blogger. I’ve had too little time to write, and mostly, nothing I’ve tried lately has moved me. Please forgive some of my vitriol, and perhaps chalk it up as a reaction against my general ennui with new releases. It’s like that line in Wayne’s World: I once thought I had perfume mono for an entire two weeks. It turned out I was just really bored.

Demeter Earthworm

Name alone caused me to order Earthworm unsniffed. Here Demeter attempts to transliterate the aroma of digging up earthworms into a bait can as a fragrance. They come close, but not quite. The dirt element is as well done as ever by Demeter, which is paired with a tart, perversely sweet note to ostensibly mimic the nightcrawlers. What it vaguely reminds me of is a rhubarb patch with ripening stalks, not worms.

They get an A+ for inspiration, but a C- for execution.

Demeter Black Russian

I would think the trick with trying to parlay vodka into a perfumery note lies in the fact that good vodka doesn’t particularly smell. The attempt at vodka is akin to the attempt at cream in the new Pepsi Jazz diet soda: it’s creamy-ish and only if you want it to be. Otherwise it’s some weird flavor that it’s own synthetical thing. The vodka is vodka-ish, and by vodka-ish, I mean “dude, whatever.” I do smell strong coffee liqueur and a whole heapin’ shot of vanilla. Which is nice enough.

I give a D+ for the Black Russian, but a C+ for making a suprisingly pleasant Tia Maria® recreation that has fantastic staying power for a Demeter.

Ferragamo Incanto Charms

This fruity-floral fragrance bears the following: nameless watery fruit and floral notes, white musk and cedar, and the miasma of being easily mistaken for, like, at least twenty other scents already out there.

Ferragamo gets a D on this little extra credit assignment, though a gold star for the bottle is attached at the top of the paper.

Guerlain Insolence

The latest offering by Guerlain has been extensively reviewed by my beauty blogging peers. The general consensus seems to be that it’s not half bad. Too bad that implies it’s only half good. Fruity seems to be the direction perfumery at large is going in, and I don’t blame the company for trying to make their own mark upon the contemporary view of the genre. I can’t help but feel this whole trend was driven, starting fifteen years or so ago, by the popularity of the cheap Victoria’s Secret, et al, body sprays to create an upscale market for weightless, obvious fruit cocktails. This fragrance leaves me bored, despite the good quality of composition. Insolence sports notes of berries, rose, and violet leaf, with smokey sandalwood, cedar, and musk at the base. Hilary Swank is the hook Guerlain is using to catch consumers as the face of Insolence. Good luck with that: I’m sure someone, somewhere, cares. Pity that hook isn’t baited with a fragrance that cannot be resisted. Insolence ain’t insolent, but it is a perfectly cromulent perfume. I feel Insolence smells a heck of a lot nicer than a ton of new releases this year, for whatever that’s worth.

Guerlain earned straight As on the homework, but with the final test essay, it disappoiningly only landed a B.

Philosophy: The Fragrance

Juicy with lemons and oranges, and spic-and-span with musk, this fragrance is a dream. Unfortunately, it’s one of those dreams where you’re at work, so that even in your sleep you’re filing paperwork, having boring conversations with your boss about inventory, and sitting at the break room table to eat a cup of yogurt your coworker has labeled “DO NOT EAT! Property of Marge!” In other words, it’s rote, perfunctory, and interesting only if purloining others’ food (for thought) is fine by you. The Fragrance is a decent offering in the clean genre, very wearable. Still… meh.

Philosophy barely passes with a C- and a note from its teacher to “Come see me after class, please. We need to talk about your work.”

Antoine & Lili Holy Champa

I’ve always wondered what incense would smell like if it were a coma victim. No wait, no I haven’t. Why did they bother making this? Good lord. It’s wanly pleasant. It has a little incense to start, but none of the strong vanillic lilt I tend to like in nag champa, and the incense doesn’t last more than a half second. After the incense fades away it’s mostly a neroli fragrance, and a pale unconscious one at that, with a perceived touch of patchouli. Woohoo. Yippee. Super fabulous. Zzzzzzz.

Antoine & Lili have been requested to resubmit their work for credit if they want to pass the class, and are reminded that a dunce’s cap is still a dunce’s cap, even if it looks like a pretty pink cardboard flacon sleeve.

(For the curious, visit Antoine & Lili’s site to experience ADHD as animation. I swear, watching that obscenely colored Flash intro is like going through some weird online shopping version of a Stroop Task. The words say Antoine & Lili, but I feel like the correct answer must be PINK. Or green. Or blue? I don’t know, my eyes and brain are aching after watching that.)

Valentino V

No one will remember V twenty years from now, but I rather like it. The composition isn’t particularly original or riveting, yet that’s not to say it doesn’t work. Its aroma feels sexy while leaning neither towards gauche nor reserved. Of course, its mix of roses and warm woody amber appeal to me personally. V pretty much covers the same territory as Tauer Perfumery’s Le Maroc, only Le Maroc does it better and more distinctively. However, I could wear this happily, and not be embarrassed to tell folks what I’ve dabbed on for the day. That’s not something I could say about too many new releases. In this batch of reviews, Insolence is the superior fragrance, but I’d rather wear Valentino V all the same.

Valentino V earned a solid B on all the course work, and V has been chosen as the lucky student who gets to present its paper at the front of class.

Holy Champa photo from LuckyScent, all other photos from Sephora.