Scentzilla!

Thanks to a nice Christmas gift, I had a gift certificate for Sephora. Unable to resist their online clearance (Odeur 53 for only twenty bucks? Whee!) I rounded out the order with two other fragrance selections.

Gendarme recently lauched their “7 Sinful Scents” line. I appreciate that all art extrapolates elements from other works in order to create something new. However, this strikes me more at mimicry than an honest expression of received inspiration, which is what I was (despite all odds) hoping for. Please compare Gendarme’s byline below and this “7 Sinful Scents” concept to S-Perfume’s aesthete and Sacre Nobi’s Seven Deadly Sins installation. I really wish I had put more thought into my purchase, frankly, and am mostly feeling peeved with myself for my undue optimism.

Here’s the blurb for the house from Sephora:

Gendarme founder Topper Schroeder wanted to design a cologne that would not irritate his sensitive skin. Humble beginnings for a fragrance dynasty….

Rather than relying on expensive packaging and huge celebrity campaigns, Gendarme concentrates on making magic inside each bottle, allowing the fragrance to speak for itself. Each long-lasting scent is carefully formulated with a high percentage of oil, ensuring a classic profile and distinctive character.

There are, like, at least five things wrong with that entire spiel. Dynasty? Rather than relying on expensive packaging? The packaging would benefit from being a little more expensive - one of the atomizers I had was leaking, and the other seems like it could break if I spray even slightly too hard. Magic, classic, distinctive? Bah. Humbug.

These two “sinful” scents have caused me to consider creating my own graded ratings system. It’s highly idiosyncratic, I suppose, and I’m a little nervous about it. But oh well. I had more fun thinking it up than I probably should’ve.

Moving from best to worst, today I’ll be using the following scale:

+petite mort
+ inhaling the air God breathes
+ “… unicorns are kick-ass!”
+ instead of paying attention in math class, I’ve written I ♥ “(insert name of perfume here)” over and over on my PeeChee folders
+ birthday cake
+ Tom Selleck and his super fantastic pornstache
+ everything’s just ducky
+ Jackie-O
+/- Jackie-O Motherfucker
+/- Burt Reynolds and his moustache
+/- baby eating, (a modest proposal that’s frankly great, but I’m betting is terrible in practice)
+/- Hasselhoff (yes, baby eating ranks above David Hasselhoff)
+/- Buck Nekkid
+/- Hang in there kitty posters
- that’s hot
- “cupcake accord”
- dude, whatever
- Have you hugged a desiccated mummy today?
- Get thee behind me, Satan!
- Tetsuo
- Carrot Top

Also an honorary category,
?/! Full Octave: so bad it completes a full octave of awfulness, thus circling back around to awesome. For examples, please see this video by one Dennis Madalone or Aquolina’s Pink Sugar.

The first one I test drove was Excess. I… don’t even want to write a full bodied opinion. I don’t think it requires one.

Here’s someone who rocks. Here’s a poseur.
Here’s Angel. Here’s a poseur.

Rating? “Dude, whatever.”

The second one I got was Greed. It started out with an acrid blast, then quickly moved into a slightly interesting mix of lime and extinguished wooden matches. This melted into Diet Climat. Yet the drydown ended up being weirdly like linden blossom (what the hell?) I think it’s a fairly good buy for $10 for a 1/3 oz, especially in light of the fact that a similarly sized bottle of Shania Twain’s fragrance would set you back the same amount. I guess what I’m saying is that it’s perfectly nice for the price, and might find a happy spot in more than a few people’s collection.

Rating? “Jackie-O Motherfucker”

I won’t be trying any more fragrances from this line, frankly, and I’m secretly glad the Excess leaked so I can send it back to Sephora for a refund with a clean conscience.

Oh, let’s end this on an up note. Anyone care to share their own goofy rating system?