The Scentzilla! Guide on How NOT to Decant Perfume
1.) Take care not to wear any sort of eyewear like contacts or glasses, so that you are at your nearsighted best.
2.) Hold large unwieldly 3.4 ounce bottle of Maybe Baby in right hand, and empty 1/3 ounce roll-on bottle in left. Spray directly at the wrong (i.e. closed) end of bottle so that the fragrance stream splashes back into eyes and nose.
3.) Make mad dash to the sink, and wash face with desperate sloshing motions to rinse away the BURNING.
4.) In your hurried blind efforts, dry face with nearest hand towel. Be sure to neglect to notice said hand towel is covered in the minty fresh toothpaste mess left behind by froth-mouthed drooling children in the morning.
5.) Repeat step 3, then dry off face with a blessedly clean towel from the linen closet.
6.) Laugh off your idiocy, and reseat yourself to properly decant fragrance for a friend.
7.) Repeat step 2, sadly enough, forcing a revisitation of step 3.
8.) Call the whole thing a wash; Tell yourself procrastination is the world’s most unheralded survival stragegy; Tomorrow is another day. Turn to the comfort of Starbucks, despite the fact that a mocha at 7 PM will keep you up late. Also, look into safety glasses. Clearly they’re needed.
Today is our anniversary, so in addition to *hopefully* getting Maybe Baby successfully decanted, I will be spending the day *hopefully* with my husband *if* our twin who’s been having intestinal distress is feeling better. If I don’t respond to comments today, you know why!