Scentzilla!

My dog isn’t the most spoiled pooch in the world, but he’s not exactly living a Spartan existence as a beloved lap dog. He’s family - hell, he’s of the opinion that it is he who takes care of all us humans. When the microwave beeps, he comes and barks at us to tell us the food is ready. If we talk too loudly, he yaps to remind us to use our indoor voices. He smells candles burning on a birthday cake, and he whines and attempts to herd us outside because we are in imminent! danger! from fire. He feels put out because we adults no longer check up on the children in the middle of the night like he still does. We like to joke that he’s got 10 pounds of personality poured into a 5 pound sack.

And… he can get rather smelly. Not in a good way. There’s a compelling reason we nicknamed him Mr. Stinky Cheese.

Honestly, the idea of dog perfume is one I’d scoffed at in the past. It does seem ridiculous. And then I saw Fruits and Passions’ eau de toilette, called Hot Dog. Oh lord. Fred is a hot dog, or wiener dog, or as the civilized folks like to call him, a mini dachshund.

Did the dog or I actually need this? Oh yes, I said to myself, oh yes, we most certainly do. I am a sucker. (The dog, not so much, what with his lack of funds.)

As it turns out, Hot Dog smells very much like Henri Bendel’s Wild Fig, with slightly less smokey leaves, and a touch greener at the start. It’s mostly the same. Both come across as figgy dessert scents.

The directions indicate not to spray the fragrance directly on your hound. Spray onto a brush, or on your hands, and then apply the scent to the dog’s coat. I recommend using a brush, since it made my hands feel a little sticky afterwards.

The scent lasted on the little guy for roughly two days. Not bad, actually. Still, I found the cheese rose up through the fig a little after the first day, creating a whole new fragrance rife with gorgonzola and fig newton cookies. It was strange but nice at the same time. But, uh, I won’t be buying this again. I will use up the bottle slowly enough, though.

In case you’re curious, here’s Fred’s verdict moments after being perfumed:

He sat up, yawned, and went to go sleep in his dog bed with his hideously stinky blanket, leaving his human to her own crazy devices. I think that’s about the most worthwhile appraisal of Hot Dog you’ll probably find.